shut up Shut Up SHUT UP!!!!

I swear to God, if my kids don't stop trying to one-up each other, I'm going to scream. Ever since school started, this problem has actually been worse than it was during the summer! For instance:

Girl: I have twenty pages of reading to do tonight!
Boy: Well, I have twenty BILLION things to read tonight!!!! I have to read a whole book!
Girl(disgusted): You don't even know what twenty billion is.
Boy: Yes I DO! AND I have more scratches.
Girl: No, look at mine!

and so on. All afternoon. Frequently, they have this conversation on top of one another, in increasing volume, all at the same time, while I first try to stem the tide, and then turn up the radio, and finally demand silence. Sheesh.

Actually, I have noticed that almost all of a child's life is a competition. Even with their friends, much of the conversation seems to center on who did what better, faster, or higher than the other person. It's like the ultimate in Being A Know-it-all.

Come to think of it, I believe that a lot of adults to it, too. I have several friends who are constantly either Poorer Than Thou, More Eco-concerned Than Thou, or, generally, Holier Than Thou. I love these people, and I'm not dogging them at all, because I'm probably Wordier-Than-Thou, or Smellier-Than-Thou, or something. It's just that I always know, if certain topics come up around certain people, that they will be whatever-it-is more than me. I think I do it about dogs, actually, probably, come to think of it.

So, what does this mean? When does it stop? I'm in my mid-thirties, and apparently the need to be seen and heard as an expert on something is still very much alive and kicking. Maybe this will be the beauty of getting older; not caring what other people think, or what they think of me. Maybe when you get old, it comes down to everyone putting on their Depends one leg at a time, and once you're there, everything else kind of comes out in the wash, so to speak.

In the meantime, I want my kids to stop doing it NOW!