Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Bring on the Liver Spots

I will be 35 next month, and the warranty has officially started to run out. First the gb thing, and now... My HIP is KILLING me.

Yes, I appear to have Thrown Out my hip. I do not know how I could possibly have done this, but I think it's true. The only thing I can think of is that I was was sitting in our Air Chair (one of those sling chairs that hangs from a hook on the ceiling) that we inherited from the previous owner, and something to do with the posturing in it did this to me. Maybe that's why he left it, kind of a karmic gotcha because he was so pissed to have to sell this house, and at such a stellar price (for us, not for him). He KNEW it would exact revenge upon me. Hell, maybe it threw out his hip, too.

Anyway, this just goes right nicely with my back, which is a pretzel at the moment. I have scoliosis, and my right leg is longer than my left, so my hips and lower back take a beating anyway, but during the summer it's a lot worse because my little lift I wear in my left shoe doesn't work in sandals or when I'm barefoot (unless I stapled it to me like Max's antlers in Grinch, I suppose). Typically by fall I'm a mess, and end up at the chiropractor for a good three months getting straightened out.

Hence, there I was at a new chiro's office yesterday. I didn't like my old one that much; I think he was too young and inexperienced, or something, because he didn't do as much for me as others I have been to in the past. I like this new guy a lot more already, but unfortunately we had to do the 'new patient' thing, where you have to do all kinds of movements to see how much pain they will put you in. My favorite one is laying on my stomach and then having him lift my leg a little to the back. The electric jolt I got from that bad boy was probably enough to power our house for a week. OW. When all was said and done, he pronounced me pretzeled, and we moved on to the fun stuff - the roller bed.

I haven't had a chiro with a roller bed in awhile, and lemme tell you, usually it's a GREAT experience. The bed has rollers inside that go up and down your back, stretching muscles and gently pushing things into place, all while you just lay there. It's very relaxing and feels wonderful... after the first few times. The first time, it hurts, because you're a freakin' pretzel. It hurt even more this time because apparently I'm gonna need a !#$%ing hip replacement or something.

After the roller bed, we moved into the other room for my actual adjustment, which generally involves me laying on my side, positioning my hips just so, and having him put a lot of pressure on my top hip and lower back simultaneously to put things where they should be, or at least move them that way. Again, it's not usually bad, but the first time, OW. Seriously, I thought I was gonna rise right off the bed, between my back being so stiff and tight and my geriatric hip.

I go back on Friday. Yay? Also, I'm wondering if my hip might possibly have osteoperosis, in which case I should treat it with Moose Tracks? It goes straight to my hips, anyway...


Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Ditto on the hip thing. My left hip was hurting because I was 1)pregnant and 2)carrying my toddler on that hip. The chiro did wonders. Loves the deep massage vibrate-y thingy. I hope you feel better Friday!

creative kerfuffle said...

do you get shock treatments too? i had those when i went to a chiro years ago and it felt sooo good. plus, ya know, it helped : )
i strongly recommend moose tracks too though : )

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I've seen many chiros in my day and I've never been a fan of the roller bed dealie. I don't know why but it always makes me seasick (and I don't get seasick).

Hope your hip is better soon. I'm in a similar boat as I love me some sandals but I hate that I can't wear my DORKY orthotics in them. OLD LADY, RIGHT HERE.

Swistle said...

I'm getting VEINY LEGS AND FEET. And a little droop in the face! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!

d e v a n said...

ouch. Moose tracks couldn't hurt - right?