Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I Didn't Pee Myself, I Swear

This morning, I was awoken at 6:30 by a pretty good thunderstorm. That's unusual here; typically the storms are around 4:30 or so, when the day's heated up and all the moisture has been sucked out of the earth. Today, though, apparently, the earth had been sucked dry early.

Anyway, the booming stopped, and the rain abated enough that we didn't need umbrellas by the time we needed to get into the car for the trip to school. Unfortunately, I had left my minivan windows open last night. The entire front of the van was DRENCHED. Even the little elbow rest on the door had a pool of water in it. CRAP!

I ran into the house and grabbed a plastic trash bag to drape over the seat, so at least my butt would be dry. It felt really nice on the way to school, sitting on a plastic bag. Thank God I didn't get pulled over.

After I dropped off the kids, I went to Starbucks to sit for the first time, since I had a few minutes to kill before Target opened. When I got out, I realized that when I had gotten into the car, my butt had scooted the bag over so my left butt cheek was soaked. The girl behind the counter probably thought I was some caffeine-obsessed freak that hadn't noticed that half her ass was wet, and who obviously needed to put more liquid in her body like a hole in the head. You will all be relieved to know that I was cool with it, didn't worry, and actually did a good jobn at pretending that half my butt is wet ALL the time, no big whoop. I'm not sure what that says about my mental state, actually, since I totally looked like I had peed myself in some strange, colostomy-bag-explosion incident. Also, I forgot to take the bag off the seat so it could dry out a little while I was in there, so I still had to sit on it on the way to Target a half hour later, except this time it kept the moisture from drying on my shorts, as well. Nice.

Happy ending - When I got to Target, the sun had come partly out, and the radio guy was saying that the flood watches had been canceled. Phew, right? I could move the bag AND leave the windows open a little, in some small prayer that the car would not only dry, but not smell like wet-dog-mold for the next week. I went into Target to finish letting mt butt and seat dry. I actually stayed in there a little longer than I probably would have, just to get in that extra drying time.

Except, can you guess?

When I walked out the door, it was pouring cats and camels.


Swistle said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! And oh DANG IT.

Kelsey said...

Oh no! I'm sorry, but that is really funny.

Anonymous said...

Go figure!

Erin said...

OH NO! I have totally been there. More times than I care to admit. Hope your seat dries out soon!

d e v a n said...

Oh no!!

Kristin.... said...

Oh no. I had to laugh. I'm sorry.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

That is too funny-sorry! And I love that you used the word colostomy. Ha!