Static

I like my children more when they're somewhere else. That sounds harsh, doesn't it? But lately, it's true.

They are both being SO OBNOXIOUS, I can't stand to be near them half the time.

Patrick is being a TOTAL spaz, and has gotten into a habit of clearing his throat, which he now does all. the. time. He's done this before, and it will go away, but in the meantime it's driving me BANANAS. That in addition to his coughing, which still hasn't gone away despite his inhalers, makes for constant, predictable noise. Literally, every fifteen seconds or so, that boy either coughs, clears his throat, or makes some other grunting sound. I think that it's partly not his fault, and partly an attention-getting thing. (Actually, I'm nervous that he has my OCD, but that's another topic for another day.) Plus, he constantly is flailing around, dramatically throwing himself to the floor in fake surprise, flopping around on the couch, jumping on people, or bouncing up and down. Also, and this is the biggie, he nods his head and agrees to things I ask him to do, and completely DOES NOT DO THEM. In fact, it appears that he hasn't heard me AT ALL, and he is shocked when I ask him whether he's done xyz that I asked him to do. It might be easier for him to parse the requests if he didn't talk over me all the time, which they both have gotten back into the habit of doing. ARGH!!!!

Josie, for her part, is being a serious tween beyotch. She is SO MEAN to Patrick, I want to kill her with my heat vision (as soon as I get those damn superpowers I ordered from Amazon). She's not mean in a hitting way, more in an icy-cold, scathingly condescending way. He tells her something, she acts like it's the most inane thing she's ever heard, even when she knows full well what he's talking about. He hugs her, she just stands there and doesn't hug him back. It's so mean, it just kills me inside. My suggestion that it's shower day (every other day) launches her into full-scale warfare as to whether she took one yesterday, why she doesn't need one, etc., as though a five minute shower will make her skin just plain fall off. She will actually work herself up to near-tears within a minute or two, if you can believe it. If she wants something, she walks over to me, no matter what I'm doing, and stares at me until I ask her what she wants. Worst, if we're all playing a game, like Wii's Raving Rabbids TV Party (which is the funniest game EVER), and a minigame comes up that she doesn't like, she will patently refuse to play, and will sit with her arms crossed while the rest of us do our thing, sulking the whole time. ARGH!!!!!

Really, the thing about all of this that makes it unbearable is that it's SO. PREDICTABLE. I know exactly what's going to happen when I say it's time for a shower, or when I ask Patrick to get dressed. I know if I ask what kind of game people want to play, whoever answers second will purposefully demand to do the exact opposite of what the first person said. And, since these are the things I'm in charge of (read: everything), and the things I'm in charge of make up my entire day since I'm a SAHM, when they're around I am so frustrated and BORED. It's like Groundhog Day, with the same thing happening over and over and over again with no end in sight.

When they're not here, I can allow myself to forget these things, and remember only the fun things, or look forward to maybe playing a game during dinner. When I imagine in my mind things that we'll do, I see us all playing and laughing, and sometimes it really is that way. But, more often than not, the fighting and same-old-same-old things happen, and then not only am I bored and annoyed, but I'm sad and disappointed, too. I had children because I want a family, and a home where people love each other. I lived for so long with people who hated each other, and where there was so much unhappiness and strife. It breaks my heart sometimes to look around and wonder whether these two people, whom I love most in the world, will ever just stop and simply Be together.

I hope it's going to get better. I know there are people out there who have lost children, especially lately with all the poor internets we know, and they would give their teeth for what I have. I'm a selfish, selfish girl for wanting more than I already have. I know parenting is supposed to be hard, and maybe I'm being childish for complaining about the boredom and frustration of the everyday. I know that they're children, and that they'll assumedly mature and maybe even grow out of this. I know I'm lucky, and I love them more than I could ever have imagined.

But, for the moment, I like them most when they're somewhere else, because then I can just love them without all the static getting in the way.