Foiled Again! (and again!)

It all started with the exploding glue.

The exploding green, sparkle glue.

As I was eating my oatmeal this morning, Patrick decided that he had to paint his new suncatcher right. that. moment. His only problem? He couldn't get his green sparkle glue open. Like a good mommy, I worked on getting it open for him, and realized that the hole didn't seem quite big enough. Like a sleepy mommy who hadn't had ANY coffee yet, I peered at the tiny hole as I applied pressure to the tube, thinking maybe I could see a little glue paint come out so I would know where to stick the pin to make it bigger. I got an eyefull, too.

Literally.

The top blew off like a rocket with a POP! and just like that, mommy's face, pjs, and laptop were covered in green, sparkly glue slime paint no, seriously, slime. Ta-Daaaaa!!!!!!!

Patrick's comment?

'Is there any left so I can use it?'

Sigh.

After I took a shower, where I pried the sticky stuff out of my HAIR (WTF is in this stuff, anyway?!), and vacuumed all four floors of the house, and cleaned the kitchen, and started laundry, I announced that it was time to take the books to the library, the videos to Blockbuster, and us to the grocery store for puppy chow, non-dairy creamer (because by the size of the ulcers I got on my tongue, Target brand creamer has milk in it, OW), and some lunch. Specifically, they make great pizza, and fresh spicy tuna and salmon sushi that is to die for. Off we went!

After spending about a half hour at the library picking out books, books on cd, and more books, we went to the counter, where I presented my license (because my library card had an unfortunate run-in with first the washer, and then Delilah) and our leaning tower of Piza pile of goodies. My conversation with the Nazi librarian went like this:

Her: There's a note here.
Me, willing to play along: What does it say?
Her: Apparently, the Development of Western Civilization snorefest books on cd you returned were missing #4.
Me, plotting to kill DH, because this is the second time this has happened: Oh, OK, we'll get it when we get home. *smiles expectantly*
Her: Oh, I can't let you take anything out until it's back.
Me: Can I just renew the cds and bring them with me, and get these other things as well?
Her, eyes glinting in evil glee: Oh, I don't think the computer will let me do that. No, it won't.
Me: So, I can't get anything, even though those weren't due yet, and technically I didn't have to bring them in today at all?
Her, smiling: That's right.

We left. Bookless. My one satisfaction was that we left all the books there for her to reshelve. I mean, seriously, I KNOW she could have done it. We've done it before. When did we so totally hand over control of our lives to computers?! I mean, what next? 'Well, sir, I'd love to give you this oxygen, but the computer doesn't like you, so.... it's beyond my control.' Argh.

So, we went to Blockbuster. That, at least, was fine, except that Josie, who has turned into Miss Preteen Hormone America, bitched at Patrick the entire way across town about one thing or another, and then proceeded to sulk the entire way to the grocery store because I told her that she was being way more obnoxious than he had been all morning. What can I say? I'm on the rag popular.

We got to Weis, and good thing, because I was starving. It was 1:30, and I hadn't had anything since the glue factory incident at 8. Salmon rolls tumbling down the pizza sliced-hills of my mind, I trot into the store, ready to get us some lunch.

Pizza slices all gone. No more until 2. Only sushi there was a California roll, and I can't eat crab.

SONOFABITCH!

I let the kids pick out pre-packaged salad bowls, and decided I'd have an apple and peanut butter for lunch at home. We got the chow and creamer, and headed to the checkout.

They were ALL OFF. Oh, there were cashiers there, but all the lights were off. (Kinda like the lights were on but nobody was home, in reverse, but the same concept still applies.) So, we picked line 9, and were told to go to line 6. We went to line 6. She told us to go to line 4 because she'd logged out and her register wouldn't let her log back in until after her break (do we see a pattern here, people?!). Finally, as I was about to KILL someone, one girl finally took pity on us and came over to ring me, the Bitch Princess, and The Boy Who Would Be Cashier (who was trying to figure out how to open the register behind my back in the next aisle while I was paying) up so we could get the eff out of there.

And Delilah just ate my favorite black heels. She literally chewed the buckle off as I was writing this post!!! What is she, part BEAVER?!

The moral of the story is, I hereby declare a New Rule: if your day starts with green glue slime, you offically get to go back to bed and start over, because it's not going to get any better!