Hey, I'm Rich!

Well, everyone, it's been nice knowing you, but I've apparently won the lottery in not one, not two, but FOUR different countries! I know, right?! What are the odds??? I have won pounds, de niro, and whatever currency exists in Zimbabwe! I've won money that I don't even know what it's called! WOW!

I have proof, too, right here in my email. Many people are emailing me these days, detailing how easy it will be for me to collect these monies from these lotteries I don't remember entering (mental note: start taking Ginko, because my memory is apparently shot). All I need to do is reply, in Secret, of course, because we wouldn't want anyone stealing my internet winnings, to these people, one of whom is a Sultan, for heaven's sake, and tell them where to put the cash. There's only a small fee, so there's no problem, my friend.

Yeah, right.

Who are these people, and why are they emailing me?!?! I mean, it's non-stop these days!!! I am literally winning a lottery a DAY. I am the richest, most secretive winner EVER, apparently. I can't believe that anyone would ever respond to these poorly-written, grammatically-incorrect little notices, no matter who they say they're from.

Typically, these things target the elderly more than anyone. Does this mean I'm getting old? I mean, I'm almost 35. Only a few more days. Holy crap, maybe that's why I can't remember entering these lotteries!!! Maybe there is something to this, after all, then?! Hold on, let me get out my reading glasses and have another look at these emails....