I'm SO Not a MILF Anymore...

Obviously I've been spending too much time in that germ-factory they call school, because now I'm sick! As in, my throat is hideously swollen, my head is full of something that is suspiciously like leaded cotton, and my neck hurts. And yes, I would like some cheese with this whine... maybe some of that yummy port wine cheddar spread? Mmmmm. I could just eat it from the container so as to not eat the pointy crackers, 'cuz I keeps it real like that.

BUT....

I got a new car today!!!!! I spent a lot of time online looking at this and that, and today I got back early from a trip downstate to meet my SIL Jen and niece Bug at IKEA, which is one of my very favorite stores. Traffic was good, so it only took me just over an hour (that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it), and I decided to stop in and look at some of the cars I'd seen online.

My friends (as John McCain would say - and did, a nauseating 1000 times the other night), car salesmen are the most obnoxious group of people alive. That has to be the worst job EVER. Also, did you know that many dealerships do not post the asking price of the used cars on the cars themselves anymore? They don't!!!! SO you HAVE to talk to one of these people, whether you want to or not, which I did not because I just wanted to look at the DAMN CARS. Just to show how obnoxious some of the people I met today were, one older guy that came to talk to me about the cars I was trying to look at asked me RIGHT AWAY what my husband did for a living!!! He didn't ask what *I* did, or anything about me. Now, I don't work right now, but asking that question in that way was SO PATERNALISTIC, like he was asking me what my Daddy did. I said, 'Excuse me?', and he said 'Oh, sorry', but I turned heel and walked away. He asked if I wanted his card, to which I chirped, 'No!' and told him that the next time, he shouldn't assume that the only thing that matters is what the man makes. He looked very flustered, and rightly so. I mean, really!!!!

Another place I went to was a repair shop that also sold cars, a little place, and there was an old Subaru wagon I wanted to look at. I sh*t you not, this guy came out and said, 'Yeah?' Nice. When the back hatch door wouldn't open when he turned the key, he said, 'Well, shit! This is a shitty thing!' On top of that, he knew nothing about the car, not even how to work the fold-down third row of seats. Uh-huh. I told him I wasn't interested anymore, and he said, 'I don't blame you! We just get them at dealer auction, anyway.' Nice.

The final place I went was where I ended up getting the car. There was a really nice guy there, about 24 years old or so, who was polite, not pushy, and talkative. The blue book value was clearly marked on the car. The entire transaction took less than two hours, which I think is some kind of car-sale record. I mean, that's all we all really want, isn't it? A plain, open shopping experience with someone who acts like a normal person, and maybe doesn't ass-rape us in the financing department, is all that's called for.

Do you want to know what I got?

I'll bet you do.

I'll bet you're like, man, I wish I wrecked MY car so I could get a new(ish) car, too!!!!

Drumroll, please!

It's a ... Pontiac Vibe, manual transmission, bright blue, with a sun roof, rear window that actually opens for the dogs, and lots of space!!! I love it!!!! There's enough room to put the dogs in the back even when the rear seats aren't folded down, as long as they sit in one place rather than bouncing around (Baci already has a car harness, but I might get one for Tyler, too, just to make sure they don't get any fancy ideas at red lights when the rear window is open - there's a place to fasten them to, amazingly enough), and it's got the roomiest back seat I've ever seen. The rear windows go all the way down, not just halfway like a lot of newer cars, and it's only 4yrs old with 56k. Hooray!!! We talked them down to $10k for it, which is below the blue book value, so I feel like we got a fair deal, too. AND, the A/C WORKS. Even the heater works!!! Oh, happy day!!!

So, I'm not a MILFmobile driver anymore, but at least I'm not MINIVAN driver anymore, either!!! HA! Plus, that MILFmobile seatbelt was rubbing my neck like an old thong that you keep trying to use even when it doesn't QUITE suit you anymore.

Anyhoo, y'all can stop by and try out my cool new ride, if you're in the neighborhood. You know, so my non-minivanness can rub off on you a little and such.