Monday, November 17, 2008

Pissy Bitchfest

Why don't men think?!

Whatever became of The Man, the guy that you grew up and married, the one who understood how to Work Things? The one who knew to check things out before buying other things that were supposed to work with the initial things (versus breaking them)? The one whose mind wasn't supposed to be a sieve until old age, when yours would be too, so you wouldn't notice?

Where are those guys?! I don't know anyone who is married to one, and I want to know where they went. I mean, was it the feminist revolution that killed them? Did women become so forcefully capable in the '80s that they now feel that their job is no longer to be in charge... of ANYTHING? Were they so sissified in the '90s that they have been bred out of existence?

In the words of Where Have All The Cowboys Gone, where is my Marlboro Man?

My husband, though I do love him, really is grinding my gears lately. For starters, his mind, which was a sieve when I met him, has now become a gaping black hole that sucks in even things that OTHER people know to be lost forever in the abyss. Take for instance our fireplace: this spring, when we moved into this house, the previous owner showed him how to work it. About a week later, he himself went downstairs and turned off the gas to it. Does he remember how to work the damn thing now? NO!!! Not only does he not remember how to work it, he doesn't even remember going down there to examine the pipes, ever, neither of the times I KNOW he did it! So, we now cannot use the gas fireplace. He's currently online looking at instructions for the insert. I don't know why, since that will not help him with getting the gas into the fireplace, because the gas lines are not PART of the fireplace, but far be it from me to ask questions at this point.

A few weeks ago, for my birthday, he got me a game I've wanted, SimSocieties. Did he check to be sure that it will work on my ancient laptop? No. So, I installed it, and it has totally fucked up my computer. AFTER this happened, THEN he went online to check the game out, and reported to me that the game is full of bugs, everyone has been having problems with it, and my computer definitely can't handle it. Now, every time my laptop goes to 'sleep', it has to be rebooted because the screen freezes permanently in place, thanks to some of the drivers the game told me I had to update. I have tried removing things, but as DH nonchalantly put it, 'oh, with Windows the only real way to fix it is to wipe the platform and reinstall.' Thanks, Einstein. That's just great. I've been trying to use the game on his newer laptop, which is actually a machine that he brought home from work, but I think it's even starting to make problems on there, too. Of course, since he didn't check before giving it to me, even though he said he HAD, we can't return it, because I opened it to install it, so I have a gift that not only can I not use, but has near-ruined things I ALREADY OWNED.

Let's broaden things out a bit. The previous owner of this house was a general contractor. He knew just enough, apparently, to screw things up. For instance, he hot-wired the hot tub out back, and did it totally wrong, so the thing only heats water if the hot tub guy comes out here to fiddle with it AND the power doesn't go out. We have to have the whole thing rewired. For that, we will have to pay for a permit for the work to be done, plus electrician fees. Why do men do things that they KNOW they shouldn't do? I can't imagine ever meeting a woman who would say, well, I know all about drywall and stuff, and I can change out a light socket, so I'm sure I can wire this hot tub.' No. A woman would say, 'hmmm, I could set the house on fire or ELECTROCUTE SOMEONE, so I think I'll just call a professional.'

So, now, not only am I in charge of things that I am aware of, like appointments, lessons, etc, but apparently I am now needing to be in charge of things that I wasn't even present for.



creative kerfuffle said...

i am so very sorry, but damn this made me laugh! the hubs actually is good at fixing things and his memory runs circles around mine so i don't have to worry about mechanical/electrical stuff, but everything else is mine. appts., mtgs., anything that requires planning or talking to people on the phone? mine. it's like after he gets home from work he forgets how a phone works.
oh, and he has no concept of space, like what furniture will fit in a room, etc. i can tell him something won't work, but he actually has to go through the process, moving furniture, placing it, and then say, huh, yeah, that doesn't fit there. duh! i told you so!

AndreAnna said...

My husband, bless his heart, always means well but ALWAYS forgets things too and it makes me insane. I keep telling him that I already have so much to remember that I can't possible remember everything for him too.

So, we've implemented lists . He asked me to write them for him so he'd be better at remembering things. Every couple of weeks, I make a list together of stuff he needs to do or remember - like make dr. appointments, phonecalls, chores, etc. It seems debasing but it's not. We do it together and it seems to help him.

We also use Google Shared Calendar so whenever I put something on our calendar, it syncs to his phone and his Google calendar. Helps him keep dates straight.

Sometimes it feels like I have a third kid, but I know this is one of his weaknesses and I try and work with him on it. I KNOW I have some serious weaknesses (you know, like my inability to NOT LOSE MY SHIT some days) and he always tries to balance me out and calm me down.

i figure no natter how much I want to punch him in the head, that we're in this together so I might as well try and make it livable.

Otherwise, I say we make an island and send all forgetful husbands there. After a few days, they'll forget why they were there anyway.

Swistle said...

WOOT. I know expecting him to know how to fix the sink and check tire pressure is like him expecting me to know how to iron and make biscuits, but I DO expect him to be able to NOT SCREW THINGS UP: just as I KNOW I can't iron or make biscuits and so would either LEARN HOW or NOT TRY, that's what I want HIM to do about FIXING THE SINK. Either LEARN HOW or DON'T TRY.

d e v a n said...

hahaha! I know it's not nice, but I just have to laugh. ha!

Melissa said...

I agree with Creative Kerfuffle in that I remember the appointments, shopping list, any lists really, and most everything around the house :)

His is the computers, anything broken, anything electrical, anything to do with the car, his smart with math but not with the budgeting .. lol

Mainly what I'm saying is I remember everything and do the Mom at home things, and he does the fixing and all the guy things .. hehe, hope things get back to normal for you guys :D

Cherish said...

I hear ya sister!! The Ex had a strange way of remembering things completely wrong and it would drive me crazy! Arg, sometimes I think Im a little lucky to not have to deal with it anymore

Kristi said...

Y'all can seriously turn a single girl into a cynic! LOL.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

I second you and Swistle! WOOT!