Thursday, May 28, 2009

Scary Things

Scary Thing #1

Patrick had his graduation ceremony from kindergarten today.

It was adorable. The weather held off, and Patrick's feet held up. The entire kindergarten walked to a neighborhood park, sang a few songs, and had a little ceremony, followed by a picnic lunch, playing, and cake. I stayed until just before it was time for cake, and then had to leave in order to make it to Josie's class in time for my last reading / help session there.

I spent most of the time in Josie's class, as I have the last few days I've gone in, working with Trey on reading and worksheets. He's improved a lot this year, but still isn't anywhere near grade level. I found out recently that he's ADD (which I had suspected all along), but doesn't get his medicine on a reliable basis, which is why I would sometimes see him focused and ready to go and other times he would be almost literally flopping all over the place. Sigh. A lot of the other children I've been reading with have made huge jumps, though, and I'm so proud and excited for them. I definitely can't take a lot of credit, but I think I can take a little, and just watching them progress was so fun.

Which leads me to Scary Thing #2...

I completed my substitute teacher application online today. Patrick and Josie's teachers have both agreed to give me a reference, and I believe the woman in charge of the MOPS program will do the third one I need. After that, I'll have to get a TB test, and then my package will be done and they'll consider me. I'm pretty sure I'll get accepted, since I think they take almost anyone with a pulse that can prove they don't actually just EAT the children, but I'm not worried that I *won't* be accepted.

I'm scared that I will.

I haven't worked outside the house, other than a year-long stint as a proposal consultant, which I did from home, since before Patrick was born. By the time school starts, that will be SEVEN YEARS, people. That means I have been OUT of the workforce as long as I was IN it. That is enough time to build up a very robust fear of a) working and b) having to associate with other people for eight hour straight.

What if I do a terrible job? I've seen what can happen in a classroom when the person in charge isn't up to the task. Not only would I be doing a poor job, but I would be humiliated in front of my kids' school. How awful.

On the other hand, I think I might like it, and I've been told by both kids' teachers that I'll do a great job at it. I never feel bored when I'm there, and I'm hopeful that it will be fun, or at least interesting, and not terribly intimidating. I mean, if I hate it, I can stop. We're staying afloat financially at the moment, but it's usually pretty tight. If I start working again, we might actually be able to make some progress on paying off our credit cards, once and for all. Or, at least, not be stressed out so much when big things come along. At least this will give me a flexible schedule, and I'll be off when the kids are, automatically.

*deep breath*

I'm excited, and scared. Having the kids get bigger, and facing what to do with yourself next, is scary, but maybe I'll start to remember who I am, this person who signs her name with something other than Mommy. I'm nervous to even really admit that I'm excited, in case it all goes to hell in a Prada handbag.

(But I am.)


Stimey said...

How exciting! You'll do great!! I can't wait to hear how it goes. What a cool thing to have kids old enough that you get to reclaim yourself. :)

desperate housewife said...

I've been contemplating seeking out part time work since Jim's company has been making so many cutbacks. I agree, it is scary to think about it when your whole life has been kids for what seems like forever. Good luck to both of us!

Giselle said...

Oh! This is so going to be my post in 5 years. Except I'll have been out of the workforce for 11 years...darned 3 kids and fall birthdays. ;) I worry that I will have nothing to offer to the "real" world...except my expert skills at utilizing the boo boo bunny and making up new silly lyrics to well known tunes.

Can't wait to see how it goes!

Chantal said...

Oh that sounds so interesting. I would love to work in a classroom. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Bring A. Torch said...

With all your volunteer classroom time, I think you'll be awesome. Don't know if this applies where you live, but when I looked into subbing, someone recommended that once I got all the paperwork in, I could make visits to the different principals in the area, so they'd know to ask for me. Good luck!

Kristi said...

I think you're going to be great!! If anything at least you'll get good blog fodder, right!! lol. Good Luck. This is so exciting!

AndreAnna said...

I know you're going to do beyond great!! I wish my kid could be in your class!

Never having left it, I can't imagine what it would be like to re-enter the workforce after so many years but I know you'll do awesome!

Sunny said...

LOL_ you'll be fine , Dear!! You're a Goddess, after all!!!
No worries!!!

(I get in a mood just have to ignore my blogposts those days, hun......but just in case....who is this "Rum Runner" you speak of?????)

Melissa said...

Eeeeee! Exciting!! I really hope you get it, with all the work you put in I'm sure you'll get it! You'll be great! Good luck and keep us posted!! :D

creative kerfuffle said...

dude--you may not have been PAID outside of the house, but you've certainly done a buttload of work outside of the house! think of all the different volunteer things you've done in the last seven years---those were jobs, you just didn't receive money for them. you will do great! i know it.

Kelsey said...

You really will do well as a sub! You would not believe some of the people who come into classrooms! You have all kinds of kid experience, and school experiences through your kids. Not that being a mom automatically makes a good sub, but just from the things you write about and the way you seem to organize/conquer your life and your observations about what you see in school. . . I know that you will do a great job!!!

One of the WONDERFUL things about subbing is that you leave at the end of a bad day and don't necessarily have to face the same group the next day.

You can do it!