Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mama Mia, Mea Culpa!

The in-laws APOLOGIZED.

This has never, ever happened before. He has said some unpleasant things about me in the past (like that I'm fat), and while I know he's later felt bad about it, hasn't apologized. He wrote a full email, as long as the one before it, explaining why he had said what he did, and that he was sorry. The only string he still pulled was that he said it was that he knows that their family hasn't been there for us like we have been there for them, but that it's unfortunate that I've apparently been keeping track of how often they are present for us, and that he hopes that we never need the support they have needed. That was a low blow, since I spoke specifically about every event, not just the ones since Ryan was killed, but I'm letting that slide since the rest of it was so unusual.

That having been said, now that I know for sure that this huge pot of anger is simmering under the surface, looking for an outlet, I will be more aware in the future, and more cautious of them. We saw it recently at Easter when he snapped at the kids who got near the babies, who are now 6mo old, but this was really telling. I know he seems to be sorry for it afterwards, but in the moment he's pretty hot. I would not have wanted to be there in person when he saw my email, and I definitely wouldn't have wanted the kids there.

DH had his second of three hernia surgeries today, but unlike the last one, today's was laproscopic, so he's doing really a lot better. The doctor also cleaned up some adhesions he'd developed from his scar on his last operation, and took out a cyst that he found near his colon, which he thinks is probably due to some diverticulitis or something. He said that they're going to biopsy it, but that it looked benign to him, so I'm not really going to think about it until we get the results. There's no point in worrying, and actually, if this would get the insurance company to allow him to have colonoscopies before age 50, it would make me feel better, anyway.

2 comments:

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Hope DH recovers well. And this situation with your bil- WTF? I think some counseling is in order (for him, not you) as his anger issue is a little scary and after all the trauma he has been through it should be addressed before the babies get to be old enough to feel the impact. That's my 2 cents. Sorry you're having to go through this.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I agree with NYAB, the dude needs some SERIOUS counseling. Did they go through grief counseling ever?

I am so sorry you have to deal with someone so unpredictable and troubled.

Fingers crossed for your DH's recovery!