Monday, March 16, 2009

Hello, This Is The Fluid Family, How Can I Be Of Service?

OK, today I have cleaned up:

2 pee's (puppy)
1 poo (puppy)
1000 turds (mouse)
1 massive vomit (Patrick)

Yes, it's been a moist day.

Poor Patrick (it's been about an hour since The Event, so I can talk about it without gagging now) woke up this morning saying his tummy hurt. However, on closer questioning, he said that he felt OK, he just didn't want to go to school. So, off to school he went, with a stern talking to about how lying about being sick wouldn't do him any good, but that I was glad he'd told me the truth.

I took Baci to a private puppy training lesson, to talk to the trainer about using a remote collar, and after using it for the hour, I am sold. I will be saving up and getting one of those babies forthwith.

I came home, and discovered Delilah pees and poo. When I opened the cabinet to get some cleaning supplies, there was mouse poop all. over. the. place. Also, the drawer where the ziplock bags are kept was full of it. Under the sink, there was a ring of poop all around the traps I had set up, both kinds (spring and live-catch), although the food was gone from both. I gave up and went to Lowes and got some sticky paper to trap them. I'm through being nice.

Then, I went to school to get Patrick, who said he was feeling fine. (Josie said that the teachers are nice, and both have names that start with G, so they're just calling them both Mrs. G. I still haven't gotten a letter from the principal, but there was a note from the new teachers about how the new discipline will involve, I shit you not, Warm Fuzzies (!!) that they will put in a jar to earn a prize. Whatever, if it doesn't involve yelling, I'm good with it.)

We went to Target. My first clue that something was wrong was when, after about five minutes, he asked to lay down under the cart on that shelf thing. I told him no, but that he could ride inside if he wanted to, and finished shopping. I asked if they wanted a drink, and got him an OJ. When we got to the car, I got them each an oatmeal snack bar from the shopping bags. At first he didn't want to eat his, but then he saw Josie eating hers, and changed his mind. Good, yes?


As we were PULLING IN THE DRIVEWAY, he announced that he thought he was going to throw up, and I said, HANG ON!!!! We're almost there!!!!! To which Josie answered, Too Late. He barfed that oatmeal bar all over the back of my new car. I mean, ALL OVER. In between the cloth seats, down the seat belt, in the seat belt latch, on his coat, his pants, one of the Target bags, EVERYWHERE. THEN, he said, 'I knew you were going to want me to barf outside and I didn't want to, so I just did it now.'

Did I mention it's raining today? It is. So, I got him inside, helped him out of his coat and sweater, and told him to get his pants off and change while I went outside and scooped his vomit off my seats in the rain. My favorite part was sticking my hand down between the seats and scooping it out, that was the best. God, I could gag just thinking about it. I nearly barfed right there in the driveway. Lord only knows what my poor car is going to smell like tomorrow. :(

I came inside, and guess where he had put the pants? On the antique green velvet chair in the living room. Oh, yeah. GAH!!!!!

Patrick is doing OK. He's hanging out on the couch in his pjs. He'll be home tomorrow, of course. Josie is still hacking up a lung, but her school has MSA testing tomorrow, and she also says she feels fine other than the cough, which I think is post-nasal drip-induced. So far, I myself am OK, although I'm sure it's coming. I mean, how much crap can one woman clean up and still not get sick?!

hmmm.... since Patrick's going to be home tomorrow, I guess that means I'll be going grocery shopping tonight. In the rain. In the Barfmobile. Oh, the joy!


Stimey said...

Yum. My kids always throw up in the car. Well, not always, but you get what I mean. I've never once called it the barfmobile, but that is my new favorite word.

I also forced Sam to go to school today and he came home sobbing after school because he felt so bad. It looks like he'll be home tomorrow too.

Swistle said...


Anonymous said...

Your Glamour Life

AndreAnna said...

I'm gagging for you. Eff the cloth seats, I would hosed that em-effer out. Gah-ross.

Hope tomorrow is puke-free.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Scooping up vomit is bad. Even worse in the rain. Hope he feels better soon.

Melissa said...

Oh man, not pretty. Sorry to hear you had an eventful day. Glad it wasn't me =9

desperate housewife said...


Cherish said...

That sounds horrible. You're going to need a little mommy time after this week is over. Hang in there!

Hotch Potchery said...

oh man. I need to read this post daily until I remember to schedule Mr. P's vasectomy.

Kristi said...

Ick. Throwing up in the car is the worst! I'd rather it be anywhere else.

When I was in the 6th grade, my teacher used "Warm Fuzzies" and filling that jar up was the most fun thing EVER! Kaeli's teacher uses them, too, and when the jar is full they get to vote on a certain privilage, like pajama day or game day. I'm so glad that the teacher situation is better!

Kristin.... said...

OH my. My kids prefer throwing up on the back of the furniture. OUr furniture is denim. ICK.

Hope today is less fluid!

Kelsey said...

So sorry, about ALL of it!

Elizabeth Channel said...

Ergh. That's wretched. Hope everyone solidifies soon!