Sunday, February 10, 2008

Diet, Day Five

The diet is going well. I don't know if I've lost any weight yet per se, but I have been eating less, particularly in the munchie department. I think the DexaTrim drink tablets are actually helping, although I can't swear as to whether it's because I believe that they will or because they actually do. Either way, less stuff is finding its way into my face. I have noticed that the caution on the box to be aware of other sources of caffeine in my diet is a serious one; if I've had a coffee, and then drink water with tabs in it, I do get a hyper, strung-out feeling that isn't terribly pleasant. That has only happened once, but it passed in a short while, probably helped by my eating a cereal bar to help balance myself out. Since then, I have tried to drink it either after dinner or with a small snack. I also used a SlimFast for the first time today, and I do believe it really does tide me over as a breakfast meal. At least I wasn't tempted to start gnawing on my fellow choir members, as I usually am on Sunday mornings because I never have time for breakfast before I run out the door. There's nothing like a Christ crouton bouncing around all alone in your stomach to make you realize that you're EMPTY, and that's when friends and family start looking mighty tasty.

This is not to day that I've been depriving myself; today at social time I had some snacks, and my husband bought me a Peppermint Patty as a surprise this afternoon. But, I have had less of a sense of ... urgency about food. I think this means that I am somehow assigning less importance to it. That is a HUGE leap forward for me, and breaking the habitual eating pattern is a big part of what I was hoping these 'aids' would help me with.

At first I was uncomfortable about the kids seeing me with the colored DexaTrim drink, which I have been using once or twice a day (you're allowed up to three times, but that's more than I want to do). One, since I have a daughter, I'm worried about the whole body image thing. She's not a skinny girl, but she's very healthy and tells me often that she loves her body. I don't want anything to change that for her, and I'm nervous that she would start thinking there was something wrong with her if she knew I was unhappy with mine. I was teased so much about my weight as a child that I'm very protective of her psyche, and while that may be an example of projecting my issues onto her, but there it is. Second, since I WAS teased so much, I am very, very private about my own feelings about my body. I don't want to discuss my concern that I'm too heavy with my children, because that could lead to a lot of intrusive comments or questions, particularly by my five year-old. I do not relish the thought of my children, particularly Patrick who has no sense of social nuance, taking it upon himself to think about and comment on my weight. So, I told them a little white lie and said that it's an adult vitamin powder in the drink. This way, they don't ask to have some, either. :)

I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning, so cross your fingers for me. I'm hoping to see at least one pound gone, but will try not to be demoralized if the numbers are still the same. In the past, once I started losing, it was like I had finally gotten a heavy stone moving, and progress was easier after that. Regardless, I have started to notice small results from my workouts, particularly in my stomach (which I SWEAR I could use as an environmentally-friendly shopping sack). That, at least, is something.