Wednesday, April 28, 2010

OK, OK...

OK, OK - you guys got me, I apparently messed up. I'm glad you all have been honest with me, rather than gloss over it. I'm embarrassed. The chances that I was too close in to this one to see that I was making a mistake are pretty high. Even though we aren't coffee-and-tea friends, I do enjoy knowing her as a fellow parent, and I was awake a lot last night thinking about this. I went back and forth all night, between feeling that I hadn't done wrong by posting about my own kid, but that on the other hand I had upset someone without meaning to and that was wrong.

So, this morning I wrote and apologized. I explained that when Josie came to me in tears, it brought back all my fears of my kids having the same problems that I had had, and since I was on fb already, I reached out for advice and support from friends. I told her that I was upset at some of the comments that people had left and had followed up their comments with another of my own saying thanks, but the girl wasn't a bad kid, she had good parents, and that I was sad that their friendship wasn't doing well, before deleting the whole mess after long enough that anyone who had posted would have seen it. I said that I was sorry that I hadn't emailed her first, but that ironically I hadn't wanted to upset her with another email, and that I hadn't been thinking about her being on fb as well (which is, ok, a small lie, but I really hadn't been thinking about her seeing the comments from other people, so I let myself get away with it) or I would have called people rather than throwing out a net to look for support. I said that I wasn't trying to be malicious or unfriendly, and I certainly hadn't been looking for anyone else to be so. I closed by reiterating that I was sorry she was upset.

That's the best I can do, really. At least I can go forward now knowing that. I'm not perfect, and I hate it when I mess up. Hopefully she will accept my apology and we can move forward. If we never hook up on fb again, I'm fine with that, but I would at least like to be able to run into her and not feel like there's something I could have done to make it better. We probably won't see each other much after the next month, anyway, since the school year will be over and middle school isn't like elementary school - if you don't make an effort to see other kids' parents, you don't. I just want to be able to hold my head up and know I've done the best I can.

She won't see my email for awhile because she's at work until 1, so I won't know anything until at least this afternoon, if she responds at all.


d e v a n said...

I think you did the right thing and I hope she'll be understanding. :)

Anonymous said...

I think you did the admirable thing too. We're human, we're emotional, esp where kids are involved, and we make mistakes. Maybe she won't forgive you and you won't be friends again, but I think you can have a clear conscience about the whole thing.

Kristin.... said...

Ok so I'm glad your previous post was in my reader or I would have been so totally lost.

I am so very very careful about what I post on FB since half my husband's family (including my MIL) are my FB friends. I hate having to censor myself, but then again if I really have something to say, I use Twitter to vent.

What a cluster. As I've said before, it's so hard to know when to intervene and when to let the kids work it out themselves. I'm sorry Josie was hurt by a friend. I didn't see any of the comments after mine on FB so I don't know where things went from there.

I hope the mom understands. You did the right thing, explaining what had happened.

I hope it all works out.

Marie Green said...

I got unfriended on facebook, by my BROTHER! Jerk.

Also, don't things like this make you SO GLAD that we didn't have facebook as teens? I mean, I would have made Major Emotional Updates, like, hourly.

I think you did the right thing... She may not know what to say back to your email, but at least she knows you've tried to make things better. Good luck!

Sarah said...

This is exactly why I'm not even on facebook... I just don't trust my own judgement. Half the things I put in my own DIARY I go back and cringe, reading, wondering what on earth I was thinking. Blogging is kind of the same thing, I guess, in that eventually you have no clue and no control over who may or may not be reading. But I'm in too deep to stop now. :) Facebook I can still stay away from, though, and I will persist, despite the annoyance of my friends!
Good luck with your situation, obviouly. I totally feel for you. I have been in enough of these sorts of messes- usually from verbal communication rather than technological, but same difference!- to feel your pain.