Friday, April 30, 2010

No News Is No News

I still haven't heard anything from the girl's mother, and at this point, I have to think I'm not going to. I'm teaching the kids' class today, and I hope it goes well. I had strong thoughts of canceling the job in the middle of the night, but decided against it. DH convinced me that it would be good to go through with it, because the fact that I will treat all the children the same, just as usual, will help to move everyone beyond this whole mess. I hope that's true. I'm not looking forward to going in there, though. Who knows what has been said about me to other people who work there (did I mention that the woman's a para at the school?), but whatever. Hopefully anyone who has heard anything will be adult. I'm bringing a book and hanging out at my desk during their lunch, anyway, just for my own nerves' sake.

In other news, some kids have gotten letters about being accepted to the magnet programs they've applied to. Patrick hasn't gotten one, but I know they're coming out in waves, because one friend received theirs for one school last Saturday, another for a different school on Tuesday. Part of me hopes he gets in, because I know it will be so fun for him, and I hate for him to be rejected, but a little part of me won't mind if he doesn't, because that will remove a lot of transportation and childcare issues for me. The magnet school is several towns over, so there's no public transit for him, and I'll have to leave the house a lot earlier in the morning to get him there and then me to school.

I feel so much guilt about the idea of going back to work, it's ridiculous. I'm so nervous about how it will affect our family. I know millions of people do it, and I myself used to work, but it's been a long time, and it's a huge change for everyone. I don't think it's wrong for both parents to work, it's just not the choice we've made since I was pregnant with Patrick. Josie will be alone after school for awhile, he'll be in before and after care... it just seems like a lot. I know a lot of you do exactly that, though, and it's working out fine.

I went to the orientation for my grad school program last night, and it's *intense*. We get little breaks here and there, which is nice and also more than I expected, but WOW. The classes over the summer are 5-9pm M-Th, and during the school year we're either student teaching all day or in school ourselves from 8:30-3:30. There was a woman there who's in the program now, and she said that keeping up in the summer isn't that bad, but during the school year when you're working all day and having a ton of projects to do was very difficult. I knew it would be hard, but having it described that way was intimidating, I have to admit. I couldn't help but think about all the time I'm going to miss with my kids during all of this.

Sigh. Focus. I just need to get through today, and then my final next week. One foot in front of the other, right?

3 comments:

d e v a n said...

((hug))

Not Your Aunt B said...

Hugs to you. I am just now catching up on it all. Sigh. I think the incident will blow over- at least I hope it does. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time.

As far a grad school it is HARD. Don't be scared though! Try to get placed with a teacher that is supportive & understanding of you being in school. With the family- everyone will have to step up a little to help out. It will help that you have kids that have homework to do too (group session!) and you can do more after they go to sleep. DO set aside some time each day (even if for only 15-30 minutes) to spend with them, focused on them, not stressing about other stuff. In grad school, I found I accomplished more working in the evening after things were settled (but not too late) and early in the morning (especially on weekends). It is a long process- pace yourself- don't demand perfection- and ask for help when you need it! I think you are a natural so that will help a ton!

Sherendipity said...

This post was exhausting to read. I think I need a nap. How do you do it? You have SO much on your plate.
I hope all goes well. No, I know it will.