Hey! It's been awhile! I don't know how this happens, that time passes so quickly and I don't have anything to say, or maybe don't know how to say it. There's been stuff going on, too, that I don't necessarily want to post specifics about because I can't control who's reading.
In general, one thing that's thrown me for a loop is an older married man who attends my church, and knows my family, blatantly propositioned me about two weeks ago. I won't say where or when, exactly, except that it was in a public place where we both had cause to be, and that it wasn't aggressive or frightening, just more sad and surreal. We've talked at length before this, and I had considered him a sort of older fatherly-friend kind of person, but apparently he was taking it in a more.... incestuous manner. That particular time, we were talking about his grown children, and his marriage, and he told me that I wasn't missing much not knowing his wife, and that they weren't intimate in any way, and that he didn't know why he was telling me this because he'd never told anyone before, but that lately he's been thinking that it would be nice to spend time with someone, married or not, and have dinners and such, because, as he put it, he's not dead, the coals are still hot and the fire's still burning, if I knew what he meant. I started to giggle after a minute. I couldn't help it. The whole thing was SO WEIRD. After a few more minutes of talking, I told him I had to go, and he called after me that he hoped that he hadn't scared me off, to which I replied, 'no, you're not scary', and drove off. Yes, it was inappropriate and weird, but I think he's just a sad, lonely man in a bad marriage and I don't have the heart to be angry at him for misinterpreting my friendship. It does make me really self-conscious, though, especially since I sit at the front of the church in the choir loft in plain sight of everyone there, including him, and I feel like he's looking at me. Weird.
The other thing that's been going on is that DH had his final hernia surgery on the 2nd of March (for those of you who are counting, that's three), and it's been a slow road to recovery. The incision is healed, but he's a very squeamish person, and it freaks him out that he can feel the patch, even though he's been able to feel the other one he's had in there since he got it. He 'can't' bend over, which I'm pretty sure means 'won't', since we're talking a completely-healed 2.5in incision from six weeks ago. I'm trying to be patient about it, but I'm getting overwhelmed with things that need to be done, especially now that yard work season is here, and now everything outside is on me as well. Men are so weird. After both kids, I had a week where there were people around to help me, and then I was on my own, even after Patrick, who together with the plunger tore me so badly that the doctor told me I was 'one big stitch'; I did housework and cared for an infant and a preschooler while still bleeding pretty heavily and having to poop *through* my stitches after that week, and so did every other woman I know. I am a terrible, unsympathetic wife, I think. I haven't said any of this to him, because it wouldn't be nice, but inside I'm starting to lose it a little, I think. It's been a really rough few months with him not around much, and now this. Ohm.
My mother is arriving today for the weekend. Cue the simultaneous feelings of anger, guilt (over being a poor hostess and unforgiving person), frustration, sadness and annoyance.
2 months ago