Sunday, November 1, 2009

Stressing Out

As part of my application to grad school, I have to make a portfolio. This has been described to me as like making a scrapbook of things that pertain to my getting an education degree. It is entirely freaking me out.

1. I am not a teacher. I have never created lesson plans, attended teacher retreats, or gotten any certificates from seminars / study programs that would have any bearing *at all*. I have looked online all over the place for ideas, and can only find portfolios made by students who are graduating their programs - hence, they actually have things to put in one. This is why I'm GOING to school for my degree - so I can get some stuff to put into an educational portfolio!

2. I am NOT a scrapbooker. I hate that stuff. I went to AC Moore today to get a scrapbook, and nearly hyperventilated at the dizzying array of choices. The very idea of making a scrapbook about anything work-related seems so unprofessional and ridiculous to me that I can barely get my mind around it. It's not like I'm applying for an art degree. Am I really supposed to use those little sticky-flair things in something that's supposed to be professional?!

3. I am now thirty-six years old. Scrapbooking to prove my worthiness as a student sounds like I'm in kindergarten. I want to be a respectable, creative adult, not an old lady at a craft fair.

4. They gave me a list of things to include, like a resume and ideas for educational practices and whatnot, but what the hell do I know??? That's WHY I'm going to school! What if, in my ignorance, I write something completely moronic for a philosphy?? I don't even know how to craft such a thing, since I HAVEN'T LEARNED IT YET.

5. I love substituting (generally speaking). I love seeing the kids every day, I love that so many of them are;" happy to see me, and I really want to have my own classroom. If I screw this mysterious project up, I will jeopardize my chances of getting into school, all because I have no idea what they're talking about. I could lose my chance to do what I am loving because I failed an art project that has no direction, and be doomed to be forever Just the Substitute.

People, I am practically in tears over this. I have to submit it in about two weeks, and because my mother is coming next weekend (more on that later), and school and whatnot, I really want to do it this week and get it over with (schools here are closed M-T, and I'll be out Fri to get my mother at the airport, so I'm just taking the whole week off, probably, to do schoolwork and this Thing).


Stimey said...

Oh no. You'll do fine. Take some photos of your classes. Write down what you do for them. Put some apple stickers in there...

You're right. It is dumb.

Maybe you should just submit an empty book and write on the first page: "I want to go to school to be able to fill this."

Good luck.

d e v a n said...

eeps! I'm sorry. You can do it though!

Kelsey said...

Um I understand if this is way too forward of me, but email me if you want to chat about this - I think I might be able to help! I can even offer my phone number if needed. :-)

Nowheymama said...

I'm glad Kelsey can help 'cause I got nothing. But support, that is.

AndreAnna said...

I'd be crying too. I'd rather lick a goat than scrapbook.

Rebecca said...

Take a deep breath.

I have no advice but if you do your best it will be fine.

Best of luck!

creative kerfuffle said...

a scrapbook? for work? i have never heard of such a thing. hmmm. i started one of those creative memories scrapbooks...oh, about 9 years ago. it is not finished. i like the idea of it (scrapbooking, but not for work) but it's so tedious.