These I Submit To You.....

Thursday:
I had to take the cat to the vet for shots. Sasha doesn't like crates, but does well on a leash in the car (comparatively speaking), if you call perching on the center console and loudly crying in my ear 'well'. At the vet, she refused to sit on the table, but insisted on leaping onto a stool and pillowing herself all over it. She growled at the vet. Many times. (But, since she never scratches or bites, whatev.) On the way home,

Me: I'm going to run into Sheetz (a convenience store pronounced as, Grab Food Here Now And Get The Shee-eets later) for a drink. My throat hurts.

Her: MEEROW!! (translation: I'm going to pee in your car.)

Me: Be right back!

Her: MEEE-ROOOOW! (translation: Let me move to the back cloth seat.)

Me: I'm back!!!

Her: ..... (hiding under the passenger seat

Me: What's that smell? Hmmm..... (looking in back seat) WTF?!?!?!?! @#$%#$%!!!!!!!!!!!

Her: *glare* Mrrrrrrr. (I told you, dumbass.)

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Yesterday:

Me, working on take-home bio midterm after spending half the afternoon at the grocery store while DH and the kids were at the movies: Can you put the chicken in the oven?

DH: Sure. It's in this bag, right (holding up Perdue Chicken-In-A-Bag).

Me: Thanks!

*later*'

Me: Huh, that chicken sure smells strong already. You put it in a roasting pan, right?

DH: (insulted) Yeah, of course I did!

Chicken: PSSSSSSSTTTTTSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Us: *running to kitchen and flinging open oven*

Me: You put the chicken on a COOKIE SHEET?!?!?!?!?!!!

Fire Alarm: Beep! Beep! Beep! Who let the man cook??? BEEP! BEEP!!! He who once tried to bake cookies on COOLING RACKS (BEEP!!!) because thought they were cooking racks?! (BEEP!) Dumbass!!!!! BEEP!!! (are you seeing a trend here? I am.)

Stove: Uh, I'm covered in molten chicken juice and plastic, here..... hello........

Me: Peeing with laughter, and taking photos.

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Today

Me, still working on bio exam: What's that smell?

DH: No answer.

Me (going into kitchen): What're you WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

Stove: Um, I'm on fire here......

DH: Don't worry, the flames that are making the oven look like a fireplace are totally normal when you run the cleaning mode. Right?

Me: ?!?!?!?!!?!NO?!?!?!?!?!?!

Kids: Whoa! Cool!!!

Stove: Help me, I'm melting!!!!!!

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End Scene
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