Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Going Lando

My darling son, little Patrick, light of my life, is completely fixated on his penis. I walk through the living room, and there he is, hand in his pants, just sitting there.

'Is anything wrong?' I ask.
'Just making sure it's still there, then?'
'OK...ummm... carry on.'

This happens daily. One time, I even found him asleep in bed with Bill, because they had both dozed off reading stories. I went in to pick up His Highness, pulled back the blankets, and there he was, dead asleep on his back, hand in his underpants, holding on to the thing like a lovey. Which, I suppose, is what it is?

Lately, his latest fixation is going 'Lando'. In normal homes, this would be commando, but he's a Star Wars boy through and through, and that's what he's decided it is. It's cute, so I haven't corrected him, and besides, from what I remember of Lando Calrissian, it fits. He was definitely the type to hang onto it All The Time, kind of a role model, if you will. Maybe I should email Billy Dee to tell him he's the proud inspiration of a new term?

So far, I haven't caught him with his hands in his pants in public, thank God. I do occasionally see him feeling for it over his pants, and all it takes to get him to stop is a 'Do you need to go potty?', so I'm not concerned that he's about to be booked for being a dirty...young man, but I don't want him to grow up to be one of Those teenagers you see on the street, holding onto the thing like a life preserver!

I am, obviously, a girl. I have no brothers, no uncles, no cousins, no father. There was not a shred of testosterone within a yard of my body until I was ... well, never mind about that. I was too young, and don't you even think about it! (in case Josie ever stumbles onto this when she gets older)

So, for those of you with boys, does this little obsession quiet somewhat, or at least go underground, soon? I mean, it's funny now, sort of, but then I get a flash-forward of him at thirty, slouched on the couch, one hand holding a beer and the other one his penis, and I feel like that Scream picture! Is there hope? Or am I doomed to accept Penis McGrabb forever?