...and now this

(yes, this is my second post today - can you say, lhoo-sahhhh? 'cause that's me.)

Now I'm going back and forth with the plumber and the home warranty people to get our money back. The plumber is refusing to refund our money because AHS told them today that the work *isn't* approved. I called AHS. Apparently, the person who told me it was covered before 'had no authority' to tell me that, and they need to talk to the plumber, because the person who did the work didn't call for authorization for what they actually did, rather than what they had been told they wouldn't be paid for. Basically, the plumber guy screwed up, and now if they want to AHS can deny coverage because they didn't approve it before it was done. Since we had to give the plumber our credit card before they did the work, which we had been told wasn't covered, anyway, they had our number when they found out it wasn't what they thought it was, so still charged us. Since they actually did the work, we're not going to be able to dispute the charge with the credit card company, I think, like we would if the work wasn't actually done. So, AHS is waiting to talk to the plumber guy, AGAIN, to verify what was done. The plumber has no real motivation to say that it was something that was covered, since they already have their money, so if he's more interested in that than honesty, we're screwed. I do have a bill that has his writing on it that says it was a busted pipe near a joint, but I think he wrote that on just my copy, as an afterthought, so that won't help me, either.

The girl at AHS did say that if it's what it sounds like, it sounds like it might be covered, but it's all hinging on the plumber calling in, and then the company agreeing to refund our money. Basically, it's a contractual problem with AHS and the plumber, but we're caught up in it.

I am finding that I am increasingly unable to deal with stress, to the point that things like this make me almost come unhinged. Where DH would ordinarily be here soon, since he's away, I'm just here, stewing in my own stressed-out juices. I tried to call him (he's just going to a few seminars, nothing all-day), but of course he's got his phone off again. He does that all the time, to the point where I'm not even sure why he even has the phone if he's never going to answer it. This is a LOT of money, and I've been nervous all along that it wasn't actually going to work out. I have actually been avoiding calling about our refund because I was afraid this was the news I was going to get. Then I get mad at myself for being so childish and not just dealing with things - I mean, what's the big deal about calling someone? But any time it deals with money, in particular, I will do ANYTHING not to make that call. I think this is a problem.

So, supposedly AHS is going to call us back when they get the poop (haha, I made a little joke there, aren't I funny?!) on the pipe procedure. I'm sure we probably DO have a recourse if the plumber refuses to refund our money, but that would mean more calling and dealing with various people, and I'm not sure what stresses me out more - owing money or fighting with people about our owing money and then potentially still owing money anyway.

The Line in the Sand

Would any of you with younger children like to trade for the more advanced model? Say, a nine year-old girl who thinks she's Perfect? Yeeaaagghhhh!

Here's my dilemma: how old should a child be before you take a hands-off approach with them insofar as personal hygiene and homework go?

Her Highness Josie is nine and a half, and does not like to take showers, brush her teeth appropriately, or brush her hair. In fact, with the teeth, I have ridden her, her father has gotten on her about doing better, and the dentist has spoken to her TWICE. We have the 'fun' cavity mouth rinse that shows where you need to brush and everything. The problem is, she's just Lazy. The last time I took her to get her hair cut, a few weeks ago, her hair was almost waist-length, and the woman who was trimming it had to spend about ten minutes working out a bunch of knots underneath! She had been brushing the top of her hair, but not underneath, and since she hadn't been wanting braids or anything recently, I hadn't really been involved in brushing her hair. It looked OK from the top, so I assumed she could be trusted to do it on her own.

With her homework, I am about at the end of my rope. She does it without complaint, but the problem is that when she brings it to me for me to check it over, she turns into a nasty, sulky, angry bullfrog if I DARE to find a mistake. Yesterday, I was reading over her book report on Superfudge, and noticed that she had spelled every single character's name wrong, plus a host of other words. Also, there were some sentences that obviously made sense to *her*, but weren't clear to anyone who hadn't also just finished reading the book, such as 'Peter had to figure out how to live with his brother for a year and his friend Totsie.' Huh? I read this aloud to her, and she got mad at ME! Honest-to-God, I wasn't being nasty, I was just reading it aloud in a normal tone, and then I asked her if she really meant that Peter was only going to be living with 'Fouge' for a year, or whether they were somewhere together that they were going to be living for a year and then would be returning somewhere else together after that time, since she was making it sound like 'Fouge' was going to be put in a box and mailed somewhere after the year was over. After initially giggling, she was *furious* with me for not understanding, and poked her finger at the paper where she had previously written in another paragraph,'The book takes place in Maen in and out side.' Apparently, they moved to Maine for a year, but she just hadn't drawn the line for the reader. Not a big deal, but she was so angry with me for not getting it! When she gets like that, she pulls in her neck, purses her lips, and literally pouts, pokes out her belly, and drums her fingers on the table.

It makes me SO MAD.

The reason I know I wasn't being nasty to her is because I had to try SO HARD not to grab the paper and tear it up into little pieces, or ball it up and throw it away. The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that my mother would have done that exact thing, had I ever behaved that way towards her. Nothing will stop a woman in her tracks like the fear of being like her mother, especially mine!

Since this is not the first time this has happened, and not the first time I've tried to talk to her about it afterwards, I quietly asked her if she would rather not have me look at her work, but just take her chances with her teacher and let her final grade reflect anything Ms. Miller finds. She said no, but kept acting the same way, until I finally told her that I would no longer be helping her, because it was obvious that the only thing she wants me to do is pat her on the head and tell her that it's perfect and she's a genius. So, the next time there is a book report, she is not to ask for help from either of us, and will be going it on her own. Now, obviously, if she comes to me and asks politely for help with one thing or another, and acts like a normal person while she does it, I will probably help her. I doubt that will happen, however.

So, am I doing the right thing? Is this how she will have to learn from now on - trial by fire? It's her book report, and her body, and she is ultimately going to have to be responsible for herself, it's true. Maybe it's better for her to realize *now* that she can't do everything perfectly on her own yet, no matter how smart she is, before her grades become a matter of serious importance. Luckily for her, this book report is an oral presentation, so the spelling isn't a matter of life or death, although I did tell her that there's no reason on earth she should have spelled the character's names wrong, at least. Do I let her just not shower, and see how long it takes before she does it herself? Do I let her get a bad grade on her next report, to let her learn the lesson? Nothing I do seems to be helping to change her attitude, not the talking, the punishing, her promises to be more polite in the future, nothing. I am at wit's end. There's apparently a line in the sand in fourth grade, and I don't know if I should let her cross it alone, or if I should hold her hand and make sure she looks both ways?

Feeling the Love!!

OK, imagine my surprise and thrill when I get back online when I discovered that I won THREE awards while I was gone!!!!!! I think the last award I won was back in high school or something!!!

So, from now on, I would like only Perrier, green peanut butter M&M's, and Starbucks lattes delivered to my inbox as an internet tax every time you read my blog. I understand, of course, that having such a lauded blog comes immense responsibility, and I will elevate my diction accordingly.

*KAK!* Ahem, sorry, when my chiro adjusted my neck today, along with mildly reinjuring me he seems to have also dislodged a big chunk of ego. Whoops! Glad I worked THAT out.

Anyway, thanks to:

Which Box? for this baby

which I'm going to pass on to Kristi at Autobiography of A Material Girl and Stimey at Stimeyland.

and Creative Kerfuffle AND Kelsey over at Midwest Mom for this glittery thing:
which I am in turn passing on to Swistle, Sue at My Party of 6, and Erin at MO Mommy.

I Heart and Glitter you all, too!!!! You know, when I started this blog, I had no idea I'd actually Meet People and make Friends, but I have!!!!! I love hearing about all your lives, and I'm all giggly and butterfly-y inside that you like me, too! Thanks! :)

DH left this morning for travel, and won't be back until Thursday night late sometime. I will do my best not to whine about this, since I know many of you have spouses that are away a lot, whereas he is rarely gone. However, know that inside I am whining like a missed-my-nap two year-old that's been in a Target shopping cart in a winter coat for an hour and wants a candy bar. Seriously. Also, the dogs are going to keep me up half the night for the next two days woofing at every little noise, thinking it's him coming home. They've started already, actually. It's been incredibly windy today, so there are lots and lots of noises for them to bark at, too. Sigh. I, myself, NEVER get freaked out at being alone. Nope, not me. And, I especially do NOT leave any extra lights on, anywhere in the house. Nope.

Patrick is fine. I took him to the doctor this morning, who said that he was good to go to school, since anyone who was going to be infected by him would have been last week when he was coming down with it, and that he could in fact go immediately after the appointment. Well, guess who was duly deposited at the school, and can I get an AMEN for that?!?! That boy was driving me Bonkers. He's just sick enough to expect special treatment, but well enough to be hyper and very demanding. That's a BIG negative in the staying home department, thank you very much.

This is getting long, so I'll update on the school situations tomorrow rather than today. I know you're all waiting with baited breath. (Wait, did I spell that right? Is it 'baited' or 'bated'? Argh.)

She's Gone!

PHEW! My mother took off on her broom this morning. Thank GOD. Well, technically, I dropped her off at the airport after the usual hour and a half trip, but I never see the plane she takes, and I SWEAR it can't be a regular plane.

In case you haven't been reading from the beginning (and why NOT, I ask?!?!), you can catch up on my mother here. This visit was actually better than some, but only because I was distracted by my awful, awful neck, which is now about 85% better. Still, though, I just can't stand having her around. I think about this a lot while she's here, because she doesn't usually act bitchy while she's here, so there's no real-time reason for me to be so on-edge, or at least, not as much as I am. There are smaller reasons, like how she has waist-length hair that she just combs out anywhere and then pulls the hairs out of the brush and THROWS THEM ON THE FLOOR, or how she has a constant tic of sniffing after almost every sentence. The biggest thing, though, is that she smells. I don't mean B.O., per se, because it's not a traditional pit-stink... but I think it has something to do with that. I think she uses powder rather than deodorant, which makes her smell like a tube of lipstick that has somehow spoiled. It's a pretty strong smell that gets stronger the longer she is here, since she doesn't shower often, and by the time she leaves, the whole house is pretty much permeated with it, especially the living room, which is where she parks herself for the entirety of her visit. Also, she was afraid of dentists for most of her life, and a lot of her teeth are pretty far gone as a result, making her breath permanently sour. The car ride back to the airport is pretty awful, because I'm trapped in there so closely to her. I have a very, very strong sense of smell, so this is like my worst nightmare.

Mostly, though, my problem with her is this; no matter how she may behave while she's here, I can't let go of the eighteen years I spent trapped with her. I try really hard to 'get over it', but here's the problem with that - when I start letting it go, it feels awfully much like letting her get away with it, which translates for me into basically telling myself that it was OK for her to choke, hit, publicly humiliate, and emotionally torment me all that time. That it was fine that she moved her boyfriend in with us in high school and proceeded to let him completely act like I didn't exist, down to not speaking to me at all if she wasn't around, and to slam me repeatedly against a door when I was 16 while she watched. She refuses to discuss these things, and will only say that she's 'a different person now', which maybe I could buy if I didn't see glimmers of the person I lived with by the end of her visits in how she acts towards my children. When she's ready to go, she starts harrassing the kids to hurry up, and talking in a way that I recognize as the precurser to when the 'Fun' used to start. She always took out her stress on me, and I know if my kids lived with her, she would do the same to them, just by seeing those few minutes of her repressed temper. It makes me immediately furious when she gets that tone, even though she isn't saying anything inappropriate to them, usually.

I allow her to visit because I want my kids to have as complete a family as possible, something I'm acutely aware of since I only had her and my equally hateful grandmother in the entire world when I was a chlid. I think also, deep down, I'm scared of her still, and don't trust her to not get a lawyer and try to force me to allow her to see the children, which would be worse because I might not be with them if she won that battle.

At least this time, she managed not to swear in front of them continually. The last time she was here, after she left, Patrick said all sorts of words that he ought not to. Phew. Anyway, she's gone, and probably won't be back until early next year, or maybe not even until spring. Now all I have to do is fumigate the house, and all will be as it should be. Hooray!!!

***************

In other news, after crawling around on the floor for an entire day, scouring the back yard, and eventually despairing of finding my brand-new anniverdary band, guess where I found it?! I went to make spaghetti for dinner, and this is what I saw when I reached for the pot:

Wedged perfectly between the handle and the pot, there was my band!!!! I keep that particular pot on the stove in the winter almost all the time, with the heat on low, as a humidifier, and I must have moved my hand just right the last time I plunked it down on the burner! I could have cried from joy. Hooray!!!!!

I'll save the school updates for tomorrow, since this is getting pretty long. Patrick is going to the doctor first thing in the morning, just to be safe, since he has a deeper-sounding cough than I would like. I'm hoping they'll say he's fine to go to school, since he's perky to the point of being a little annoying, and also because he's missing theme week at school. :( The important thing, though, is to make sure he's better in time for the parties on Friday (which is also my birthday - I'm going to be the big three-five!).

I'm Still Alive!

I know, I know, I've been totally out of touch!!! Here's a quick update:

1. The home warranty company, AHS, confirmed for me that they are indeed going to cover the pipe situation!!!! Now I just have to call the plumber company and make sure that they refund our money. DH called on Friday, and they said, 'oh, yeah - just call our refund department on Tuesday and ask for so-and-so, and they'll take care of you'. So, I'm feeling VERY good about THAT situation! Hooray!!!

2. My neck is FINALLY improving. I literally wasn't able to move my head for days, and wasn't even remotely comfortable until Friday. Even at that, today is the first day that I haven't spent basically laying on the couch with the heating pad. I'm still not perfect, but maybe about 75%. I haven't been able to read, email, or do anything that involved looking downward since last week. Yeowch.

3. My mother is here. I know I've talked about her before, so you all know what I think about this situation. I'm bringing her back to the airport tomorrow, and then I'll fill you in on the whole trip. Phew.

4. The cat is doing well after her ordeal in the neighbor's shed. She seems to have gained back most of the weight she lost, which was probably mostly water weight anyway. Patrick still hasn't shown an abundance of interest in replacing Aniken, so we haven't done it yet.

5. My allergies/cold are just about gone, Josies are too, but now Patrick has whatever it is. I'm actually pretty convinced that it's a cold or something. My stomach is still touchy, probably from all the phlegm, and his seems to be, too, the poor little guy. We kept him home from soccer today, which I think was supposed to be his last game.

OK, I think that's it for now. I'll be back tomorrow!

Ow, ow...ow

I promise to catch up on all your yummy blogs soon, but for the moment I am totally laid up with a pulled neck muscle. I think it's partly from stress, partly from spending half the day yesterday searching for my lost wedding band (yes, I found it, but not until today, and I'll post about that fun experience later).

For right now, I have to do to bed and rest my neck, because I have to go on Patrick's all-day field trip tomorrow!!!

Not A Rut After All?!

The plumbers just left, and it turns out that the problem was NOT a 'rut', as the guy from our homeowner's warranty company called it yesterday. There are no roots in our pipes, at least not that were causing this particular problem. Actually, the problem was that there was a place where a terra cotta joint in the pipe had cracked where it met a cast iron pipe, and had bent into a 'v' shape, thereby causing a backup.

This, THIS is covered by the AHS warranty.

So, I called said warranty company, told my story, and they put me on hold to talk to the plumbing company. The person at the plumbing company said that she hadn't talked to the guys from the job yet, but would call back when she got in touch with them. After he told me this, the AHS guy said that, if this truly was the case, then the plumbing company should refund me the money we paid them, and would get a check from AHS instead.

This sounds hairy to me. Why can't AHS just give ME the money, instead? In my experience, getting money back from someone who has already done a job is pretty damn hard. I suppose I don't really care where the money comes from, as long as we get it, but... I think getting it is going to be the hard part. Please, please cross your fingers for me that this works out. It's SO MUCH MONEY, and if we can get it back, I will cry for joy. We so rarely get good financial news, and this would truly be a miracle.

Regardless, the one think I AM sure of is that I'm going to go and take a very, VERY long shower. I haven't been able to shower, do laundry, wash dishes, or clean anything since Saturday morning. Can you picture what my house looks like right now? Ugh. I can't face it without a shower, I really can't. So, off I go.