Results!

So, after I sent the letter on Friday to Girl's mom, I didn't hear back. Nothing. I started freaking out a little, thinking maybe I'd totally misjudged her, etc, and getting scared that now the girls' friendship was totally screwed. Then, on Saturday late afternoon, Girl called and apologized. I'm telling you, it was like the skies had parted and there were angels singing and the whole bit. PHEW! Then, yesterday, I saw Girl's mother at the school, and she actually came over and thanked me for writing to her (again, almost passing out with relief). She said that Girl does the same thing at home, not knowing when to quit, and she had believed me immediately about the whole thing. She also said something interesting - Girl had the same thing done to her last year by her former best friend (AGAIN with the awful friends!), and didn't sleep a good night all last year because she was so sick over her friend treating her this way and not knowing what to do about it. (Incidentally, I know that other girl, who doesn't go to their school anymore, because she and Josie were on the same soccer team, and she's a total horror show, but so is her mother, and by the middle of the year she had been pulled out of school for 'personal issues'.)

So, it was interesting that Girl had had the same thing done to her, but of couse being young she didn't see that it was the same thing in reverse, because to her the awfulness she experienced (on a much greater level) the year before was nothing like the 'friendly teasing' she was doing. Her mother said that Girl had waited until the end of Sat to call because her brother wouldn't be around to hear her on the phone when she had to talk about it to Josie, and then she couldn't sleep all night on Sunday because she was so nervous to have to face Josie. I can imagine just how she felt, poor thing, because when I do something wrong inadvertently I feel just the same way. Anyway, of course things are fine now, and Josie's sleeping over there tonight.....

... because tonight is Patrick's birthday party!!!!!! (Josie doesn't want to deal with all the little boys, so she's not coming.) We're going to Pump It Up, a store-place that's filled with inflatables that the kids can bounce on for 90min. Phew! We're doing a Crazy 8 party, which is the birthday child and 8 friends, because on a weekday it's only $125, versus on the weekend you have to do a full-sized blowout and it's about $300. I know people who have paid that, and invited the whole class, and I think they're NUTS. (No offense if you've done that. ) We just can't afford that kind of thing. The only problem was that my nephew, who lives 90min away, would have had a hard time coming, and his mom was really upset with me (I understand her frustration, because Brandon doesn't have a lot of outside-school friends, and doesn't get invited places often, and I did feel bad, but what could I do?), but even that worked out because another cousin ended up scheduling a party for tomorrow, and he'll be going to that instead. Phew!

So, my boy is 7. I can't believe it. We did a family gathering last weekend, and then last night we gave him our gifts, which were legos, the game Camp, The Lego Book (which is AWESOME -it's a boxed set of two books, one that details lego from the beginning, how they made the movie sets, the backround of the lego video games, etc, and the other is a book of all the lego people ever made - they're all full of giant photos and color and are SO COOL!!! ahem.), a Pokemon visual guids, and - drumroll, please - a microscope and three sets of slides (one of different kind of bug wings, one of human body samples, and one of various bug parts). It's not a massive microscope, but it's a good starter one, I think. I hope. You can never really tell until you use it, I suppose.

Today is a half day of school, and we're going to do science experiments with his kit from Xmas, and go out and spend some of his gift cards. Then we'll stop at the bakery and he can pick out a cake to have his name put on, because I just haven't had time to make dirt cups for school for yesterday, get gifts, fight battles with new TV and internet services (more on that later), etc. I feel a little guilty, but what can you do? They won't care, anyway. :)

What I Did

Everybody, thank you so much for your comments!!! I was awake this morning after letting the dogs out at the ass-crack of dawn, trying desperately to go back to sleep already, thinking about all of this.

Sarah mentioned that reading groups of words at a time is called intuitive reading; I haven't looked that up yet, but that's *exactly* what I've always done, and I'm sure that's what Josie's doing as well. I didn't know there was a word for it! I'll bet that's what those 'read faster' companies teach, come to think of it. Anyway, cool that there's a term for it!

I read all your responses, and decided to ask Josie if it would be OK if I mentioned what was going on to Girl's mother, and she actually said yes, which I wasn't expecting. To be honest, I thought she'd say no, my entire dilemma would be a moot point, and I could move on, because she's not usually one to get riled up enough to want my help with anything. Generally, when people say things, she doesn't care, and brushes them off. That tells me that she's really, truly upset, which in turn made ME more upset about it.... so, you guessed it, I emailed Girl's mother.

I was very careful, and asked if she could do me a favor and talk to Girl about some things she'd been saying to Josie, and explained everything that had happened. I emphasized that we really like Girl, and that I know that this isn't her usual behavior, but that whatever is going on really needs to stop because Josie is either going to start yelling or crying pretty soon, and I didn't think that would be good for their friendship. I explained how hard Josie has worked, and that she's already really disapponted about the team having to be let go this year, and that I hadn't said anything before because I figured when meetings started that things would work themselves out, but since there aren't going to be meetings, and it's still happening, I decided to talk to her, and I hoped that that was OK.

I haven't heard back, and I'm trying not to be concerned about it. For all I know, she hadn't checked her email yet, which would be a little weird, but could happen, since they were having internet trouble earlier in the week. Josie said that Girl didn't bring it up at lunch today, which could either mean that Girl got tired of it, or her mother, who works there, caught her in the hallway and told her to cut it out. Whatever. It's funny what kind of monster rises up inside you when you think there's something going on with your kid, isn't it? I really don't care if Girl doesn't like me anymore, or if her mother is upset with me, or any of that, as long as my baby isn't getting picked at anymore. Well, maybe I care a little, but it's OK. My only concern is that Girl will be mad at Josie for telling me, and my getting her into trouble, if that's what happens, but I don't think that will happen. She's generally a nice girl, and I think she will be genuinely sorry once she realizes that this has been a Problem. I hope.

Frenemies

Have you ever had those friends who were really enemies in disguise? Those ones who, surely, were your besties, but really they were just junior-assholes-in-training? I've had a few of those over the years, most notably my high school best friend, Mary, who, as it played out, was trashing me to anyone and everyone she could, including her family, calling me everything from slut on down, etc. Not to mention, she DATED the guy who raped me, and FLAUNTED it. In fact, she tried to date every boyfriend I had, including ones that were still mine, by lying to them and just plain making stuff up. I realize now, looking back on it, that she is *exactly* like my mother, and I was probably friends with her because her treatment was familiar, and also because since she was nice to my face, I was getting affection by proxy from someone I had wanted it from for years. We haven't spoken for years; I stopped talking to her after she called me on 9/11 to ask, in a tell-me-more voice, what I'd seen, rather than if I, and everyone I knew, was OK (this was when we were living and working a few miles outside DC). I didn't tell her it was over, I just never called again.

At the moment, Josie has a friend who is getting on my NERVES. She's nothing like the girl I dealt with, but she's being a little bitch in her own way, and it's making me want to smack her. Josie is a great reader, and takes after me in that we both can easily read a book a day. Josie and this friend, along with another friend and a few other kids, were supposed to be in a Battle of the Books competition, which is run by libraries across the country and is kind of like being a mathlete, only with the questions surrounding a list of 20 children's classics. Between the time Josie got the list in November and now, she's read all the books but one. The team had to be disbanded because the woman in charge of it had a sudden schedule change, and they were short a few kids for the team. She's disappointed, but it's fine.

This friend, who is actually a girl that I like a lot, and whose mother I also know and like, has taken to DAILY making comments like, 'well, it's probably because no one was reading the books but Catherine and I, because Josie isn't really reading them, she's just skimming them.' EVERY DAY. Josie has explained to her over and over that no, she has actually read them, and cut it out, but nothing works. I told her that Girl is probably just jealous, because she's very competitive like Josie is, and she is having a hard time believing that anyone could be so much better at something than she is. Either that, or she's having fun getting Josie's goat. Regardless, Josie's starting to get really pissed, and so am I. This morning, I walked into the school with Girl and her mother, and we were talking about how it was too bad the team had to break up, and I mentioned that Josie had read all the books because she reads a book every day like I do, which is one of the only things I do really well. I said it in full hearing of Girl, hoping it would shut her up, but it didn't - same comments at lunch today.

I am tired of hearing this crap coming home, and am at the point where I want to Make it Stop. Josie worked really hard to get all of those books read, and she did a great job. I don't care why Girl feels the need to get on her all the time, but it has to end. I don't want Josie feeling like she has to put up with garbage like that from friends, and I don't want Girl, who is otherwise quite nice, to get the idea that her behavior is OK.

SO, what do I do? I see Girl all the time. Should I innocently start a conversation about reading myself and talk about how I finished Book on the Table in a day, and get the ball rolling there, not really mentioning her behavior specifically, but just generally talking about strengths, or should I go straight to her mother and explain what's been going on, and ask for her help to stop it? We're really friendly, and I also work with her when I sub. Or, do I stay out of it? The other option is to talk first to a mutual friend and see what she thinks, whether her opinion is that the mother would be open to that kind of conversation or not and how she thinks I should broach it. I *think* the mother would be OK with me telling her, but on the other hand, no one likes to hear bad things about their kids, so it might be thin ice.

Giving: Month One

As part of my resolution to be more giving, you will see to the right a new widget, created by the Network for Good, which I found via Kevin Bacon's charitible foundation 6degrees . The Network for Good allows people to buy donation cards as gifts, which the recipient can then use to donate to any one of almost two million charities listed on the website by logging on and selecting organizations and doling out their gift card's value. It's pretty cool, and I'll be using it a lot from now on, so those of you who actually get gifts from me in person, be prepared.

This month, I'm featuring the Salvation Army, specifically, the Salvation Army organizations of of Sumpter, SC and Little Rock, AR. As most people know, the SA has a religous basis, but does not discriminate as to who may receive services (eg, you don't have to be any particular faith, or any at all, to receive cold, disaster, or food aid, etc). All of us are probably the most familiar with them via their red kettles and bell ringers that are outside stores every Christmas season.

The reasons I have picked the SA are twofold.

First, disgustingly, a Salvation Army Major was murdered in front of his three small children outside of an SA facility in Little Rock, AR on Christmas eve. He was shot, and died, for the money in his kettle that he had collected for the poor. His killer remains at large.

Second, in December, the Sumpter branch of the SC SA was sent a donation, purportedly from a legitimate local company wanting to share its fuitful year, for $25,000. The branch used that money to further its December operations. Unfortunately, the check was part of a scam that was perpetrated on several charities in the area, and as a result the SA's SC operations are now in jeopardy for the winter season, due to the now-massive hole in their budget. This means that because of one sick individual, many may go cold or hungry that would not have otherwise.

The widget on the side should track the amount given from this site, and for this first month, I will match total donations up to $150. The link takes you to the Salvation Army's national headquarters donation site, and from there you are able to specify where you would like your donation to be sent / what programs you want to support.

Hopefully this first month will go well! Anything is better than nothing, right?

Taa-Daa!!!!

New year, new blog! :)

Happy Brrrrr Year!

Let me first say that I don't mind the cold, and I actually prefer it to being hot. BUT, it's really cold!!!! The temperature isn't bad, but the wind is obnoxious!!!! We had 50mph winds several days straight last week, and even though that's died down, it's still blowing pretty hard out there. Our poor house is OLD, and drafty, so when it's windy like this, it's really hard to stay warm! Hello gas bill, goodbye bank account!

Everyone seems to be talking about their resolution soloutions, so I'll add me two cents' worth.

Last year:

1. Focus on our marriage.
It's not that we've had a bad marriage - far from it - but the past few years have been so much about the kids and the moves and whatnot that I feel like we had lost our way in paying real attention to each other, or at least I had. That's been going pretty well, I think; I definitely feel more connected and happier.

2. Walk the dog every day, weather permitting.
This one fell by the wayside somewhat, but there was good reason. When I wrote that, Baci didn't get enough exercise because his brother, Tyler, was too old to play and wrestle with him. After poor Tyler was put down, we got Delilah the Tasmanian Devil, and that problem went away. If anything, she wants to play even more than he does! So, the walking thing wasn't really important anymore. I still take them on walks together, just not every day, or even often at this time of year.

3. Focus on charity.
Done, and done. Aside from the recent project, I got involved in a lot of things through church, and did a lot with Heifer International. By the end of the year, we had donated what amounted to a small farm - bees, rabbits, chicks, ducks, geese, a sheep, and a goat, in varying numbers. I'm really proud of that, and hope to do even better this year.

My list is sometimes ongoing for the first weeks of January, but so far, I have:

1. Continue to give
By this I mean not only giving money to charity, but giving of myself. Sometimes the best thing is a warm body and an available ear. The Elf project, and starting the recycling program at chuch (which has recently expanded to include another building where the teenagers hang out) have really made me feel what I can only describe as joy inside.

2. Be more Ohm!
I'm stealing an idea here from MO Mommy. Last year, she picked a Focus Word for the year; hers had to do with quiet. I think this is a great idea, because it allows a person to aim for a state of being rather than at a Thing. Mine, I think, is going to be Serenity. I want to relax, take things as they come, and not get stressed out over things I can't control, which would be everything but me, anyway.

3. Fiscal responsibility.
We're working so hard to get out of debt. This year I want us to get there. I don't know if it will happen, with my not working very much (more on that another time) and school stuff, but I'm going to try really hard. It will depend on tax time this year; we may take a big hit in taxes this year because of a few various things, so if we end up with a big bill, there's no way we'll reach that goal in a year. Otherwise, it might just be doable. Cross your fingers for us! I'm trying not to think about tax time, a la #2, until it's here.

Like I said, I'll probably keep adding to the list for another few days, but I think this is a good start, and will probably be my core list. I'll put the final list up in my sidebar (when I redesign the page, which should be soon) when it's done.

Game Time

Our game cabinet, board games and playdoh on top, card games in the drawer.

We are a Gaming Family. Usually at least once a day someone will start asking who wants to play somethingorother, especially during vacations, when we'll sometimes play two or three board games a day. I love them because they're an easy way for us all to have fun together in an organized way. There's a beginning, middle and end, every person has something to do, there are turns, and generally there's no fighting because there's nothing to fight about.

Here's the lowdown on the games we got for Xmas, and the ones that we've had for awhile but still play all the time. I go out of my way to get new, interesting, educational, or even foreign games so we have a lot to choose from. Some I get from Amazon, and others from my favorite toy store, a little place called Child's Play, in Rockville, MD.

New Games for this year:



- The Munchkin series
We actually started playing the Munchkin card came about a month ago, but we added to it over Xmas, so I think it counts. Munchkin, a gaming-type card game with rules for boosting powers, attacks, race and class cards, etc, is hysterical because each set, which is completely compatible with all other sets, is a spoof of a set theme. For instance, Star Munchkin has cards in it that crack on any space reference you can think of; my favorite card is one of the monsters, "Level 12, Captain Quirk - bonus level to any female involved in taking him out'. We have the base card set, plus Pirate Booty, Star Munchkin and smaller booster packs. A few of the cards (mostly in the base set) have suggestive images and/or wording (ie Unbutton Top Button - distracts opponents, +2 in battle), and you could simply take them out, but the beauty is, most of the references go over kids' heads, but they're entertained by the cartoonish art anyway. Our kids LOVE this game, and have asked to play it almost every day since we got it a month ago. Takes about half an hour.

Also, I bought DH the Munchkin Quest board game, which may end up being an adult thing simply because it's pretty involved. Basically, you're exploring a dungeon, and add a room (cardboard link to the game board) each time you move. There are a lot more rules, though, and many steps per turn, so many kids may not have the patience. Once we get the whole thing down ourselves, though, we may be able to include them by skipping some steps and streamlining it somewhat.


-- Ten Days in Europe
This is one I picked up at the toy store I mentioned. The game board is a map of Europe (games for any continent are available, I just picked Europe because it has the most countries), and each player gets card holders with places for ten cards. You then have to make your way on a ten day trip around Europe in a way that makes sense. You can walk, fly or boat, depending on proximity (you can only walk to a neighboring country, and only boat to countries on the same body of water in a single voyage, and only between countries that have been assigned a similar color). You can't boat or fly for more than one day in a row (ie, days 2,4,6,8, but not 2&3), and you can't start or end your trip en route. It's fun, and a good way to learn geography. Also, each country card has population and capital information included. Josie really likes this, Patrick not as much.


-- Settlers of Catan, Cities and Knights extension
Last year, I got SoC on one of Amazon's Deals of the Day sales for less than half price, which was great because I'd been wanting to try it, but was unwilling to spend a lot of money on a game I had never played (they're about $40 regularly). We liked it, but it seemed to need a little more. This year, I got the Cities and Knights extension, which adds, obviously, a whole new dimension. Now, in addition to building settlements and collecting resources and evading the robber, we have tons of new buildings and incentives. To play SoC, you put together the board, which consists of a bunch of pentagonical shapes with numbers and pictures of resources on them. Each time, you can assemble it differently, so the game always changes. Players roll the dice, and whoever is next to the pentagons with that number on it gets to take resource cards, which can then be traded for roads, houses, etc. With knights and cities, you can upgrade from houses to cities, get knights to protect you from pirates and robbers, and steal things from each other. The game starts a little slow, but as you get a few turns in, and collect a few resources, your ability to collect even more increases, and it goes pretty fast after that. Our kids didn't like this one much last year, but that may be because we weren't proficient enough to teach them quickly, so we'll probably try it again with them. There are a lot of rules, and the rule book can be intimidating, but really it's a lot simpler than they make it sound.

-- Shut the Box
This is a Melissa & Doug game, and looks beautiful, but we haven't opened it yet. I'm hoping to play it this afternoon, actually. I have no idea what it's about yet, because it doesn't say anything on the box. M&D stuff is usually really good, though.

Other favorite games:

- The Scambled States of America - even little kids can play this geography game, but having someone play with them who can read helps. Ours have been playing since they were 3 or so. Very funny, and seven years later, we're still playing it. Takes about 20 minutes.

- The Enchanted Forest - a memory game mixed with a board game. Again, we've played this one consistently for about six years. Both kids like it; it's easy and straightforward. Takes 15-20 minutes.


-- Wizardology - based on the popular book. Not for very young children, simply because it's a little complex until you're used to it, and you have to have a good grasp of language. Takes 30-60 minutes.


-- Zooreka - you run a zoo, and collect resources based on dice and cards you draw monopoly-style when you land on certain spaces. Trade resources in for animals; get four animals and you win! Lots of animals to choose from, quick pace. Young kids can play pretty well, especially with an adult partner. Takes about 20-30 minutes.

-- and of course, Uno!


What do your kids love and ask for all the time?