Hey there! It's been a loooong time since I was here!!! With all the health stuff that was going on, and school starting, the last month has gone by almost without my noticing. The breathing thing seems to be under control now, with daily prevacid controlling the vocal chord swelling and allergy meds controlling the everything else swelling, the fifth grade graduation project over and the shock and stress of starting grad school over.
I LOVE grad school. LOVE IT. I've never been in a class where not only is everyone smart, but also is genuinely into being there. Always in undergrad, and even in grad classes I've taken before for business programs, there have always been people there who really aren't interested in being there, they're there because they have to be for one reason or another. My first class is over already (an entire semester crammed into three weeks, for cripes sake), and the second class will finish up this Thursday. Then I'll be off until the 5th. Woosh!
I've been practicing lately with leaving Josie alone, since she'll be by herself for 2hrs a day once I start student teaching, and it's fine. She's not nervous or weirded out, it's just me. It feels SO WEIRD to say, 'bye baby, be good, stay indoors, we'll be back soon' and walk off with Patrick to run errands. It's also nice, though. There's no bickering in the car, they get sorely-needed time apart, and I get alone time with Patrick that I've never been able to have before, time that Josie and I had for years before he was born. He's a fun kid, especially when his sister isn't around, because there's no one for him to annoy, so I don't end up annoyed with him for being annoying. Actually, we're going to be having a lot of alone-together time coming up, too, because next week Josie will be at day camp every day, and on Friday rather than bringing her home, she's going to a friend's house straight from camp because she's been invited to go with them to SC on vacation for a week and they want to leave at 3am on Sat. So she'll be completely gone for another whole week. It will be weird, even though she's gone away with friends before.
I'm trying really hard to practice letting her go a little, in the cosmic sense. She's starting middle school, and I want to give her space to feel her growth, not surround her so completely that she's going to have a massive rebellion just to get air. It's hard. I had to read a book for my last class on parenting, so I chose 'How To Hug A Porcupine', which is about tweenage parenting, and I also just finished 'Ophelia's Mom', which is by the mother of the girl who wrote 'Ophelia Speaks' (which I'm just getting ready to read), about mom reactions and coping to their teenage daughter's behaviors and rebellions. They were both very interesting (I'll post reviews on poor, neglected Literally Booked in awhile), and one idea I got from them is to allow her to keep her period stuff private for awhile. So, this week when I was at the store, I stood in the pad and tampon aisle, trying to figure out what to get for her to keep in her room so, if she doesn't want to tell me right away when she gets her period, she doesn't have to. We've already talked all about it, she knows all the mechanics she needs to know, and I know it's coming soon, so rather than have her use my stuff, which is probably too big, or feel like she wants to hide doing the toilet paper thing, she can have her own supply in her room for when she needs it. I finally found these tiny little tampons (I can't believe there were actually 18 in that little box, they must come out like salt from a shaker) and smaller winged pads. When I got home, I gave them to her and explained that I hoped she'd want to tell me when The Time comes, but if she doesn't want to, I will respect her privacy, and she can just wait until she needs more or is comfortable telling me. I think it worked, because that was two days ago, and last night for the first time *she* actually approached *me* with a question, rather than me going to her with information. That's a big step for a girl who used to cringe, and sometimes cry, at every thought of growing up.
I do feel weird, though, even at the thought of someone else having pads in the house. I mean, that's *my* department. Hers is supposed to be band-aids.
2 months ago