This is the funniest email forward I've ever gotten!!! It was in Adobe, so I had to save it in rich text format in order to be able to paste it here, which messed up some of the formatting from the letterhead, but you'll get the idea. Enjoy!
Kmart store 4855 Store Phone: (775) 746-4700
SUMMIT RIDGE, RENO, NV, 89503 Pharmacy Phone: (775) 746-3030
12 March 2005
Kmart store 4855
Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503
35 Rasmussen Street
Moores Park, Reno, NV, 89503
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
During the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. The
list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies
We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored
them. He replied to these warning with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will come here too”. We
are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.
The following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.
September 14: Moved a 'Caution - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.
September 23: If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”
October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.
November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.
December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO!
NO! It's those voices again!"
December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet
paper in here!
John F. Walker